At last I have made a truly major scientific discovery. It came to me while I was sleeping last night.
Due to interacting with a large number of “not traditionally sane” people recently, I have managed to induce the precise mathematical laws governing their internal and external operations.
(Or, OK, maybe it’s just a poem of sorts – whatever — )
Anyhow, hereby I present to you … THE ELEVENTY-TWELVE LAWS OF MADNESS:
(feel free to suggest additions in the comments!)
- FIRST LAW OF MADNESS: WAHAHAHAHAHAHRRRRGGGGGHHHH !!!
- INVISIBLE LAW OF OF MADNESS :
- WORST LAW OF OF MADNESS: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
- THIRD LAW OF MADNESS: FOR EVERY ACTION THERE IS AN EIGHTY-TWELVE TIMES OR MORE WILDLY EXAGGERATED AND OPPOSITE OR RANDOMLY DIRECTED REACTION
- BEST LAW OF OF MADNESS: aaaawwwwwww….
- KURZWEILIAN/MAYAN LAW OF MADNESS ; 20XY
- FUCKING LAW OF MADNESS; FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
- FINNEGAN’S LAW OF MADNESS: BABABADALGHARAGHTAKAMMIN ARRONNKONNBRONNTONNERRONNTUONNTHUNNTROVARRHOUNAWNSKAWNTOOHOOHOORDENENTHURNUK
- LOVELY LAW OF MADNESS: i love u, i love u, i love u 😉
- OTHER LOVELY LAW OF MADNESS: I LOVE EVERYTHING SO MUCH, IT FUCKING OVERWHELMS ME AND MAKES ME SPLIT MY BOUNDARIES AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
- HORNY LAW OF MADNESS: IT’S TIME TO EJACULATE THE WHOLE GODDAMNED COSMOS — YEEAAHHHH !!!!
- SOCIAL LAW OF MADNESS: WHY AM I SURROUNDED BY SO MANY TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLES? WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO PROGRAM MY BRAIN WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? RRRRARWWGGGRRRR!!!
- INFINITY LAW OF MADNESS: This page intentionally left blank.
- ELEVENTY-TEENTH PERCEPTUAL LAW OF MADNESS: what i see is what u get, hahaha 8-D
- ELEVENTY-TEENTH FUCKING SHIT PERCEPTUAL LAW OF CRAP MADNESS: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT I GET, MOTHERFUCKER, AND THAT’S WHY I HAVE TO EAT YOUR FLESH !!!
- MATHEMATICAL LAW OF MADNESS: I could prove that mathematically but i don’t have the time — time is an illusion anyway — and how can anyone “have” anything since none of us exist ? In fact (there are no facts) sooo —
- CONFUSED LAW OF MADNESS: I just have no fucking clue about any of this … including myself (whatever that may be); I mean …
- SECOND LAW OF MADNESS-DYNAMICS : The amount of madness in a closed, open, opzed, clopen or any other kind of system or non systematic entity or nonentity is always going to fucking increase, subject only to the nonexistent constraint that time doesn’t exist anyway —
- LAW OF MAXIMUM MADNESS PRODUCTION; something about madness increasing along trajectories? someone will work it out eventually…
- OM LAW OF MADNESS : some crazy lady says my clit is a transcendent machine for turning physical movement into cosmogonic WHHHAAAAA???!!!!!
- SEVENTY-TENTH LAW OF MADNESS ; I WANT U, I WANT U, I WANT U !! WELL ACTUALLY I WANT TO EAT YOUR FLESH !!! OR MAYBE I DON’T, I DON’T KNOW —
- ANTI-KORZYBSKIAN LAW OF MADNESS: THE MAP SURE IS THE FUCKING TERRITORY IF I FUCKING SAY IT IS, MOTHERFUCKER!!! DON’T TRY TO TELL ME IT ISN’T OR I’LL FUCKING SMASH YOUR FUCKING FACE !!!
- NAMELESS LAW OF MADNESS: blah blah blah blah blah blah
- QUANTUM LAW OF MADNESS: I can’t understand quantum mechanics and i can’t understand you, therefore you are quantum mechanics !!!
- RELATIVISTIC LAW OF MADNESS: EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE, THEREFORE YOU ARE MY RELATIVE, THEREFORE ALL MY PROBLEMS ARE YOUR FAULT AND I NEED TO FUCKING KILL YOU !!!
- JEWISH LAW OF MADNESS: i know it’s all my fault somehow ;-(
- MCKENNA’S LAW OF MADNESS: THEY REALLY ARE ALIENS!!! REALLY!!!!!
- STONED LAW OF MADNESS: Whoa….. I mean, like — whooaaa….. I mean… —
- SENILE LAW OF MADNESS: Uhhhh……
- LITERARY LAW OF MADNESS : WORDS HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MEANING, BUT I HAVE TO PRODUCE A FUCKING LOT OF THEM ANYWAY !!!
- TYPOGRAPHICAL LAW OF MADNESS: ALWAYS WRITE IN ALL CAPS!!! JUST BECAUSE !!!
- WONDERFUL LAW OF MADNESS: IT’S JUST SO FUCKING GREAT TO BE ALIVE !!!
- CONTEXTUAL LAW OF MADNESS:
- TRANSPARENT LAW OF MADNESS: I CAN SEE EVERYTHING SO FUCKING CLEARLY NOW!! WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND??!!
- PROPHETIC LAW OF MADNESS: I CAN SEE THE FUTURE AND YOU CAN’T !!! WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME, GODDAMNIT ?!?!
- MANIC LAW OF MADNESS: WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING SO SLOWLY?
- MANIC LAW OF MADNESS: WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING SO QUICKLY??
- CRACKPOT’S LAW OF MADNESS: I AM SO RIGHT! THEY ARE SO WRONG! AND THIS REALLY MATTERS A LOT !!!!
- HAMEROFF’S LAW OF MADNESS: MICROTUBULES! MICROTUBULES! MICROTUBULES!
- PSYCHIC LAW OF MADNESS; Trans-quantum morphic resonance voodoo, eight billion and twelve fuckingteen; objective reality, zero …
- DEPRESSIVE LAW OF MADNESS: Everything is bad and annoying and upsetting , and whatever may happen, it certainly always will be…. There is no fucking hope at all; probably not for anything , definitely not for me …
- BORING LAW OF MADNESS: EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING UTTERLY BORING!!! … ESPECIALLY MY STUPID FUCKING BORING MIND THAT THINKS EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING BORING AND WANTS TO KEEP TYPING BORING THINGS IN ALL FUCKING CAPS
- VOLATILE LAW OF MADNESS: I LOVE YOU! I HATE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I HATE YOU! I WAAAAAHHHHUUAAGGHHH!!!!
- SUIDICAL LAW OF MADNESS: … life is so fucking pointless and painful; i really have to kill myself; i can’t bear one more fucking minute of this — but killing myself seems really fucking annoying and painful too — fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck …
- EMPTY LAW OF MADNESS: [ ]
- FUCKING LAW OF MADNESS AGAIN: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
- BLISSFUL LAW OF MADNESS: 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉
- EXTRA LAW OF MADNESS