THE ELEVENTY-TWELVE LAWS OF MADNESS

At last I have made a truly major scientific discovery.  It came to me while I was sleeping last night.

Due to interacting with a large number of “not traditionally sane” people recently, I have managed to induce the precise mathematical laws governing their internal and external operations.

(Or, OK, maybe it’s just a poem of sorts – whatever — )

Anyhow, hereby I present to you … THE ELEVENTY-TWELVE LAWS OF MADNESS:

(feel free to suggest additions in the comments!)


  • FIRST LAW OF MADNESS: WAHAHAHAHAHAHRRRRGGGGGHHHH !!!
  • INVISIBLE LAW OF  OF MADNESS :
  • WORST LAW OF OF MADNESS: FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
  • THIRD LAW OF MADNESS: FOR EVERY ACTION THERE IS AN EIGHTY-TWELVE TIMES OR MORE WILDLY EXAGGERATED AND OPPOSITE OR RANDOMLY DIRECTED REACTION
  • BEST LAW OF  OF MADNESS: aaaawwwwwww….
  • KURZWEILIAN/MAYAN LAW OF MADNESS ; 20XY
  • FUCKING LAW OF MADNESS; FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
  • FINNEGAN’S LAW OF MADNESS: BABABADALGHARAGHTAKAMMIN ARRONNKONNBRONNTONNERRONNTUONNTHUNNTROVARRHOUNAWNSKAWNTOOHOOHOORDENENTHURNUK
  • LOVELY LAW OF MADNESS: i love u, i love u, i love u 😉
  • OTHER LOVELY LAW OF MADNESS: I LOVE EVERYTHING SO MUCH, IT FUCKING OVERWHELMS ME AND MAKES ME SPLIT MY BOUNDARIES AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
  • HORNY LAW  OF MADNESS: IT’S TIME TO EJACULATE THE WHOLE GODDAMNED COSMOS — YEEAAHHHH  !!!!
  • SOCIAL LAW OF MADNESS: WHY AM I SURROUNDED BY SO MANY TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLES? WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO PROGRAM MY BRAIN WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?   RRRRARWWGGGRRRR!!!
  • INFINITY LAW OF MADNESS: This page intentionally left blank.
  • ELEVENTY-TEENTH PERCEPTUAL LAW OF MADNESS: what i see is what u get, hahaha 8-D
  • ELEVENTY-TEENTH FUCKING SHIT PERCEPTUAL LAW OF CRAP MADNESS: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT I GET, MOTHERFUCKER, AND THAT’S WHY I HAVE TO EAT YOUR FLESH !!!
  • MATHEMATICAL LAW OF MADNESS: I could  prove that mathematically but i don’t have the time — time is an illusion anyway — and how can anyone “have” anything since none of us exist ? In fact (there are no facts) sooo —
  • CONFUSED LAW OF MADNESS: I just have no fucking clue about any of this … including myself (whatever that may be); I mean …
  • SECOND LAW OF MADNESS-DYNAMICS : The amount of madness in a closed, open, opzed, clopen or any other kind of system or non systematic entity or nonentity is always going to fucking increase, subject only to the nonexistent constraint that time doesn’t exist anyway —
  • LAW OF MAXIMUM MADNESS PRODUCTION; something about madness increasing along trajectories? someone will work it out eventually…
  • OM LAW OF MADNESS : some crazy lady says my clit is a transcendent machine for turning physical movement into cosmogonic WHHHAAAAA???!!!!!
  • SEVENTY-TENTH LAW OF MADNESS ; I WANT U, I WANT U, I WANT U !!  WELL ACTUALLY I WANT TO EAT YOUR FLESH !!!  OR MAYBE I DON’T, I DON’T KNOW —
  • ANTI-KORZYBSKIAN LAW OF MADNESS: THE MAP SURE IS THE FUCKING TERRITORY IF I FUCKING SAY IT IS, MOTHERFUCKER!!! DON’T TRY TO TELL ME IT ISN’T OR I’LL FUCKING SMASH YOUR FUCKING FACE !!!
  • NAMELESS LAW OF MADNESS: blah blah blah blah blah blah
  • QUANTUM LAW OF MADNESS: I can’t understand quantum mechanics and i can’t understand you, therefore you are quantum mechanics !!!
  • RELATIVISTIC LAW OF MADNESS: EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE, THEREFORE YOU ARE MY RELATIVE, THEREFORE ALL MY PROBLEMS ARE YOUR FAULT AND I NEED TO FUCKING KILL YOU !!!
  • JEWISH LAW OF MADNESS:  i know it’s all my fault somehow ;-(
  • MCKENNA’S LAW OF MADNESS: THEY REALLY ARE ALIENS!!! REALLY!!!!!
  • STONED LAW OF MADNESS: Whoa…..  I mean, like — whooaaa…..  I mean… —
  • SENILE LAW OF MADNESS: Uhhhh……
  • LITERARY LAW OF MADNESS : WORDS HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MEANING, BUT I HAVE TO PRODUCE A FUCKING LOT OF THEM ANYWAY !!!
  • TYPOGRAPHICAL LAW OF MADNESS: ALWAYS WRITE IN ALL CAPS!!! JUST BECAUSE !!!
  • WONDERFUL LAW OF MADNESS: IT’S JUST SO FUCKING GREAT TO BE ALIVE !!!
  • CONTEXTUAL LAW OF MADNESS:
  • TRANSPARENT LAW OF MADNESS: I CAN SEE EVERYTHING SO FUCKING CLEARLY NOW!!  WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND??!!
  • PROPHETIC LAW OF MADNESS: I CAN SEE THE FUTURE AND YOU CAN’T !!!   WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME, GODDAMNIT ?!?!
  • MANIC LAW OF MADNESS: WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING SO SLOWLY?
  • MANIC LAW OF MADNESS: WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING SO QUICKLY??
  • CRACKPOT’S LAW OF MADNESS:  I AM SO RIGHT!  THEY ARE SO WRONG!  AND THIS REALLY  MATTERS A LOT !!!!
  • HAMEROFF’S LAW OF MADNESS: MICROTUBULES! MICROTUBULES! MICROTUBULES!
  • PSYCHIC LAW  OF MADNESS; Trans-quantum morphic resonance voodoo, eight billion and twelve fuckingteen; objective reality, zero …
  • DEPRESSIVE LAW OF MADNESS: Everything is bad and annoying and upsetting , and whatever may happen, it certainly always will be….  There is no fucking hope at all; probably not for anything , definitely not for me …
  • BORING LAW  OF MADNESS: EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING UTTERLY BORING!!! … ESPECIALLY MY STUPID FUCKING BORING MIND THAT THINKS EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING BORING AND WANTS TO KEEP TYPING BORING THINGS IN ALL FUCKING CAPS
  • VOLATILE LAW  OF MADNESS: I LOVE YOU! I HATE YOU!  I LOVE YOU!  I HATE YOU!  I WAAAAAHHHHUUAAGGHHH!!!!
  • SUIDICAL LAW OF MADNESS:  … life is so fucking pointless and painful; i really have to kill myself; i can’t bear one more fucking minute of this — but killing myself seems really fucking annoying and painful too — fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck …
  • EMPTY LAW OF MADNESS: [         ]
  • FUCKING LAW OF MADNESS AGAIN: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
  • BLISSFUL LAW OF MADNESS: 😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉  😉 😉 😉 😉
  • EXTRA LAW OF MADNESS