The Bat

by Zeb Goertzel

October 29, 1999

Once upon a time, there was a vampire bat. The vampire bat never found anything to suck blood for it. It didn't like to suck blood. So it kept looking and looking, but it couldn't find anything to do that.

Until finally it found a frog that liked to suck blood! And then a vampire. The vampire seemed to not like it much, but the vampire still did it. And did it more, until the vampire bat seemed to like to suck blood. Until soon, three snakes came, and they killed it. The vampire bat's mom came, and the mom killed the snakes. Then a duck came along, and the duck killed the mom. So the mom killed the duck; then the duck killed the mom; then the mom killed the duck. Until one of them swallowed the other. It was the mom!

Then the baby came and ate the mom.

Then the mom ate the baby.

And then the baby swallowed the mom.

Then end of the story.

Chapter Two

The Baby Gets Its Medal

After the baby swallowed the mom, the baby got a very big bellyache. It was so bad that the baby’s belly exploded. But it could still survive. And it did. It went to attack the strongest man on earth. And it defeated the strongest man with one tiny punch. And then they thought it was the weakest man on earth.

So they took a stupid Bim Broom and they whacked the baby on the head with it. It just didn’t hit the baby. The baby dodged it. They even dropped a nuclear missile on it. And they dropped an atom bomb on it. But it still survived. It kept surviving everything they did to try to kill him.

So he got a piano and dropped it on their head. And then he took a big broom and he just sliced one of the man’s heads off. But the one surviving man gave him a medal for being such a good fighter.

After the baby got his medal, the baby said, “Me want a momma now!”

They looked for his mom but they couldn’t find his mom. Because he had swallowed his mom!

Now he said, “Me want a dada.”

But he had swallowed his dad.

Then he said, “Me want my family!”

And he swallowed his whole family.

Then he said, “Me want new family!”

He couldn’t find a new family.

So they decided to take care of him. And they got so tired of having disgusting stuff like poopy, until they didn’t change his diapers. And when he was an old man, he still had a diaper on, and he was mad.

The end of this chapter.

Chapter Three

The Baby

After the baby was mad, he saw the ice cream truck coming. He started to get happier and happier, until he was already happy. So he went to get ice cream.

The ice cream man gave him three ice cream cones.

But the baby said, “Give me some ice cream in them!”

The baby burped. He got the ice cream, and he ate it all.

But one he didn’t eat all of. And he dumped it on his head. His daddy found him. It was a zombie of his dad!

Burp!

And then the baby said “Excuse me.”

The baby’s dad was biting him all over, until the baby was dead. Then more people were dead. Then more people were dead. Until every person on earth was dead, except one lucky dog was alive.

And that lucky dog was a zombie. Everyone was a zombie from later. One zombie was licking the other. So they had a lick war!

Who was winning the lick war?

The team of animals.

The team of animals died soon.

The real end of the story.