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Justin Boob

By Zeb Goertzel

November 1998


Once upon a time there was a boy named Justin.

But there were monsters coming to eat him, while he was sleeping in bed.

But the monsters picked him up and ate him all up.

So then, a boy named Zeb woke up, and he knocked the monsters down. So then the monsters boobed him. And then he kicked the monsters in the face, and on the head.

Boobs were growing on the floor.

Benjamin came to his bedroom to wake him up. Ben couldn’t find him, because he was hiding in the basement. But in the basement they had nothing to do – he didn’t even have any bikes in there, to ride on. But he had a garage near his basement, and there was a little tunnel to get from the basement to the garage.

Then, his grandpa came driving through the woods, and then his grandpa tried to give the kid a surprise. But all the surprise was, was a piano. So his grandpa brought a big pile of bees for him to get honey from.

But then a boy named Zar came hopping through to their house. But he was a shy boy. But he did not like having pretend fights at all. He didn’t even have any computers in his house. The boy was blind. He was a very big, tall boy – he was almost as big as his dad. And he was almost as old as his dad, too. And he was thinking about how computers work. He was even thinking about how computers have a little mouse arrow that goes all over where you move the mouse. But then he went back to bed, where the monster was coming to eat him too. But they were scared of him, so they went away. Before they did that, they waved bye to him.

And then Ben came along. He saw the monsters, and then he started knocking them down.

And then Gwendolyn came along and saw the monsters with her boobs sticking out of her shirt. But then the monsters ate her boobs. She bought some boobs at the store. And then she put them on.

Booboo end.

Chapter 2


Once upon a time a boy found a douched woman, and she douched at him. Justin showed his douche to her. Teeth teeth teethy douche. But then Curious George came walking by him. His pocket fell out of his pocket, and then Curious George picked up his pocket. No baby birds. But 9098 Baby has run away.

Winnie the Pooh came by in a balloon. But Booby could not stop going to Poo Poo. But he went to the city called Poo Poo -- he found no baby. So he went to a town. He made a story. It was called Justin Boob. Boobies flying, boobies flying. He went to home. His grandpa came driving through the woods. His grandpa came to his house. And his grandpa brought a surprise. All there was was a piano and big pack of bees for him. Bee bee bee bee bzzzzz, bee bee bee bee bzzzz.

Zeee bee bee bee bzzzz. Bee bee bee beee bzzzzz.

So then all the bees were flying all over him, so the gingerbread man came hopping through the woods to meet a branch. And then he climbed up the tree and he got a hole in him from the branch. He said "No fair."

Justin Booby came flying through the air.

The next day, he was very sick at school.

At school that day, Michael had a 200 degree fever.

Chapter 3


La la la

La la la la la la la

La la la la

Boo boo boo boo boo boo

Ghost is coming to eat you

Dick and Dock is coming for the air

With no little babies to eat

Eat eat eat eeeeat

Yummy yum yum yum

Yummy yum yum yum


He saw soup.

Yumm yum yum yum saw soup.

Goo gee goo gee gaaah,

Goo gee goo gee gaaah

Bye bye – later, baby